


nothing but sunlight.

by keumdonghyun



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: I love angst, M/M, drabbles out of sudden spur of emotions, lots of jaemin bc my ult, relationships and characters to be updated regularly, teach me how to write fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-09 12:28:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16449980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keumdonghyun/pseuds/keumdonghyun
Summary: collection of timeless words and limitless stories written during sleepless hours.mostly nct dream. sometimes nct 127 / nct u.title © standing egg.





	1. in a garden of flowers ㅡ jisung ; jaemin

**Author's Note:**

> first wrote this as a yongguk x kenta scenario and originally a part of a chaptered fic but has been discontinued. i dont know if i'll ever write it again as jisung x jaemin, though.

 

To make a nerve-wracking decision, possibly leading to heartbreaking words or exhilarating reversal, is a struggle for Jisung, who isn't known to be vocal about his feelings. He never once thought about doing something he's currently fumbling for. What if he stutters? What if he gets speechless? What if he ruins everything? What if someone walks through them? What if... What if he rejects him?

 

Having romantic feelings for someone has never been an experience for the young boy. He's very shy, when it comes to interacting with people, which greatly resulted to who he is, now. Single, never been confessed to, never confessed, and never been in love. But, perhaps, this day would be the end to some of his "never" and be the start of his "first" and "true". First true love. Sounds dreamy.

 

He took in a deep breath, as his hand is on top of his uncontrollable heart.

 

In a garden of flowers of different colors, and fragrances, the flowers didn't matter, yet they eased his thoughts. The great weather didn't matter, yet it calmed him, as the scenery of which the main subject - Jaemin himself - unfolds, in his eyes.

 

The way Jaemin's pink hair dances along the direction of the wind, the way the flowers highlight his figure, the way he is leaning against the railings, the way his back is strangely comfortable to look at, the way the orange sunlight radiates along his way – Everything was perfect. Jaemin was perfect, and Jisung knows it more than the elder will ever do.

 

Jisung coughed, taking the elder's attention to himself, making him turn around. His heart skipped a beat, as soon as he met the other's eyes, which later turned to a crescent shape when he smiled.

 

_That's unfair,_ _hyung_ _._ Jisung said in his mind, feeling the unfairness of the way, his heart beats for the elder.

 

"Hey." The pink-haired boy said, after a deafening but comfortable silence.

 

The wind blew, seemingly carrying away Jisung's hesitance, doubts, and just everything in general. He smiled.

 

His lips parted to confess those words he'd been keeping, those words that will make or ruin what the two have built together, not minding the chance of regret, and disregarding everything else.

 

And, at that time, it was as if only Jaemin and Jisung mattered, in their own little worlds.


	2. but, maybe, yes ㅡ renjun ; jaemin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drip. Drop. He doesn't wipe them, but he wishes he can wipe his memories of him, away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first wrote this as yongguk x shihyun but never got to use it until now, but as renjun x jaemin.

One thing. Just one thing, and everything came flooding in. From the little memories to the sweetest ones, from the words to tears, from the start to end – literally everything came in.

 

Renjun crouched down to pick up a rose gold bracelet lying on the floor, which had fallen out of the pocket of a padded jacket he snatched from his closet. His fingers brushed against the metal, and soon it was on his palm. It was warm, maybe because it had been in the pocket for a long time, but Renjun felt cold. He smiled, nonetheless. His other hand searched for warmth towards the same pocket the bracelet came from, but in it, was a paper.

 

The paper wasn't anything special. It was torn out from a spiral notebook with lines and of average paper quality, but the words written were beyond explanation. Vivid, the words were, to his mind. He didn't have to unfold the paper for it was something he can clearly remember, as if it wasn't a paper from years ago.

 

And it was all it took for him to break down. Despite knowing what was inside, despite knowing he shouldn't, despite knowing it would just hurt him, his fingers slowly unfolded the paper, and there came the words he had written years ago for a pink-haired man he used to live with in his previous dorm, back in Korea.

 

He slowly read the same words he'd been keeping until now, those words he was too scared to tell him, those words his lips cannot utter. He smiled bitterly, as his stinging eyes get filled with tears. Maybe if he wasn't a coward, then he wouldn't cry every time he remembers him. Maybe if he just spoke up, then he wouldn't mind finding this bracelet, and letter. Maybe if he didn't leave, he'd still be with him.

 

But here he was, feet glued to the floor, eyes wavering with feelings, hands longing to hold the other's hands, and a heart painfully beating for someone far away.

 

Drip. Drop. He doesn't wipe them, but he wishes he can wipe his memories of him, away.

 

Loving someone was never easy. It is something that makes you risk everything – from small things to everything you've built with that person. While it may make your heart flutter, it doesn't take away the fear of rejection, and the fear of losing the other. Why is love so cruel? Why did his heart decide to love someone he cannot have? Why did his heart decide to love someone, in the first place, when he knows within himself that he's a coward? And those short words? No, he can't possibly say that. If he could, then he wouldn't be here, right now. If he could, then what could've happen?

 

_I may not be great in expressing,_   
_But I wish my words to sing._   
_A lullaby to put you to sleep._   
_Without counting one sheep._

 

_Eyes filled with bliss,_   
_Whenever you stare_   
_I stand and freeze_   
_For I cannot bear_

 

_Heart raging,_   
_Love for you, perhaps._   
_But, mouth caging,_   
_Words I've thrown in scraps_

 

_Today more than yesterday,_   
_Tomorrow more than today,_   
_I love you, I should say._   
_But maybe no - for my lips chose to betray._

 

But it's too late. All the chances he had lost, all the times he had wasted, he cannot bring them back, anymore. And he knows. He knows everything's late, and his love will just rot away with regret.  _What if I told him?_  But no, he didn't.

 

He gulped, and fished out his phone from the back pocket of the jeans he was wearing underneath the padded jacket. He dialed his number, with trembling fingers, and a mind almost blank with nervousness. It has been a long time, since the last time they talked. It has been a long time; would he still remember?

 

"Hello?" The person on the other line picked up. Renjun coughed to clear his throat. There was silence at first, but the other patiently waited. Renjun inhaled deeply.

 

_But maybe yes – for I cannot push my feelings away._

 

"Jaemin-ah?"  
  


 


	3. no longer ㅡ jaemin ; jeno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or, did we have nothing, in the first place?

A single glimpse of you was all I need back then - not a single eye contact nor a conversation, but just a glimpse that can turn the whole day of a mess into something better than ever.

 

We went from nothing to everything. We did a lot together. Even the dumbest ones turned out to be greatest, with you. You were worth every second and every breath. And honestly, you still are. 

 

But I don't know what happened - are we going back into being nothing? Does the everything that means so much to me only mean nothing to you?

 

Or, did we have nothing, in the first place?

 

"Nana!"

 

I turned around, and saw you. You had your usual eye smile, and you looked dumb as you ran all the way through the distance between us. You really do light up the world with your presence, don't you?

 

"Hey, Jen." I greeted you, with a smile that was either genuine or not - I just don't really know anymore.

 

"Do you want to hang out this weekend?"

 

Maybe my heart did a thing when you asked me that. It has been a long while ever since the two of u--

 

"I'll introduce someone to you."

 

Oh.

 

Yeah. Haha. What was I even thinking of? I forgot the reason why we grew apart, for a moment. I forgot that you were busy chasing someone that you forgot that someone you need not to chase was just here.

 

"Introduce who?" I asked, and I saw the glimmer in your eyes. Were you thinking about that person? Have your eyes ever glimmered because of me, too?

 

I already know, Jen. I know who you'll introduce to me, and I sure don't want to hang out this weekend.

 

"Don't ask anything. Just come, will you? I need help, too. You see..."

 

And you proceeded to tell me things that couldn't go through my ears. I can only manage to hear a few words, and from those few words, it didn't seem like I would really want to listen to it. It has always been about them, anyway.

 

I wanted to walk away, from everything, from the pain, from you. But why is it that my foot steps even match yours as we stride through this hallway that is too empty for my liking?

 

I wonder if you ever felt anything for me, Jen. I wonder if I stood a chance, at all. I wonder what could've happened if it was me, instead. I wonder how we would be if it was you and me, instead of you and them.

 

But, I know, Jeno. I know that it'll never be me. It won't ever be. That "us" won't ever be.

 

I know I need to move forward to a path without your hand to hold but why can I still not turn my back on you, and go?

 

"Sure, Jen. I'll be there." I told you, even though it tore me inside. Why am I doing this to myself? I must be out of my mind.

 

Perhaps, I just didn't want to accept the reason why looking at you now has become a source of pain to me.

 

And that, I didn't want to accept that you no longer need me by your side, Lee Jeno.

**Author's Note:**

> comments are highly appreciated! ♥


End file.
